


An Open Door

by GodAndMonsters



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A little angst, Child Emma, F/F, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, little Emma, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-06-18 09:57:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15483216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodAndMonsters/pseuds/GodAndMonsters
Summary: Every night when Regina falls asleep she sees a door with Emma's name on it, she opens it and sees Emma's life, from the moment she is left on the side of the road, she becomes her imaginary friend.Until one day Henry brings Emma to Regina's house.AU - Regina is forced to see the price Emma paid for her curse. SwanQueen.Beta editing by Xxwillow13xx





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank my amazing beta -Xxwillow13xx, thank you so much!!!

 

She could feel it, victory. The smoke swirled around her. Castle bricks fell from the walls that kept her captive for years. She could hear Snow's cries of pain and sorrow and it was music to her ears.

 

“This is my happy ending,” she growled at the stupid girl who held her bleeding husband in her arms, as she tried to shield him with no success.

 

Finally, finally she could be free; she had finally won, she had control, she had it all.

 

The smoke grew heavier and heavier until she couldn’t see anything anymore and all she could hear was the collapsing world around her, her blood was rushing with adrenaline and then, there was nothing.

 

She woke up on the most comfortable mattress she ever felt. It took her a few minutes to remember her curse; once she had, she did she quickly got up from the heaven of her bed and checked herself in the mirror. Her hair was shorter, her clothes were different-she wasn’t sure how she felt about all of those changes but there was one thing she needed to check first.

 

She walked down the street with the clothes she took from her closet-which was filled with this world’s most expensive brands.

 

She could see the wolf girl dress in a short skirt as she fought with her granny. She could see all kinds of people act as if nothing change, as if this was their everyday life. It wasn’t until she bumped into none other than Snow (no this was not Snow this was Mary Margret) that she finally realized she won. The girl apologized profusely and then ran for her life.  _This is my happy ending._

 

Later that day she fell asleep on the couch with a cider she made from the apple tree she brought with her. It was a recipe she perfected in the enchanted forest while she was exiled from Snow’s kingdom.

.

 

.

 

.

 

 _She walked down the long corridor. Everything was white: the walls,  the doors, even her dress. She tried to open a few doors but they were all locked._ It didn’t feel like a dream, it felt too real. _For once, she could feel her breathing and her pulse rise with every step, and moreover, she never dreamed; she either fell into blackness or she was haunted by memories._

_She kept walking and walking until suddenly, a door appeared out of nowhere. “Emma” the gold letters shone against the white door. She took a deep breath and reached for the handle, it clicked and Regina walked to the other side._

_It was dark (that was the first thing she noticed) everything was dark, and then she could see lights speed against her eyes; she walked closer and a loud beep told her she was on a highway. A car drove so fast it almost hit her and Regina moved away just in time. It was when she was on the side that she heard it-a baby’s cry._

_She looked around as she tried to reach for the source and then she saw a little boy holding a baby in his arms. “It’s alright Emma,” the boy whispered to the girl. “We are going to be alright.”_

.

 

.

 

.

 

 

Since that time, whenever she fell asleep she found herself in that corridor in front of that door. The few times she walked inside she could see that green-eyed baby; she could see her sent into a family with that young boy with her. She learned his name was August and that he was very protective of the girl. She also found that she liked that about him.

 

She also saw the baby smiling at her; though anyone else acted as if she hadn’t existed. She couldn’t tell if the baby actually saw her or it was just Regina’s wish she did.

 

Whatever the answer was, two things were clear: 1) Regina was unable to touch anything in this weird dream world (whenever she tried to sooth the girl with gentle touches she found out her hands touched nothing but air) it made her confused. If this was indeed a part of the course she couldn’t understand the meaning of this. 2) She felt connected to the young girl (her heart never warmed up so quickly to anyone) but when she looked into those forest green eyes she wanted nothing more than to protect the girl and keep her safe from whatever destiny she was chosen for.

 

That feeling scared her; and that was the reason she didn’t open the door anymore-or at least tried not to. Whoever this Emma was, she was related to her curse and Regina was not risking anything after finally getting her happy ending.

 

It was two months later when it happened: the brunette started to get tired of living the same day over and over again. The brunette was clean from the room for a week now, the longer she’d ever succeeded, as she fought the temptation of green eyes and toothless smiles.

 

But that night she walked in. Maybe out of curiosity, maybe out of boredom and maybe it was actually because she missed the girl too damn much.

 

She forced herself to fall asleep; she closed her eyes and thinking about the baby who literally stole her dreams.

She felt her whole body relax and then she was right in the middle of a small dark room.

 

 

_Emma was crying her eyes out while the voices screamed outside the bedroom._

_“You stole the drugs from me!” a man’s voice screamed and a sound of shattered glass came from outside the door._

_“I can return it,” the woman sounded terrified and Emma kept on screaming. Regina walked toward the terrified baby; her face was red and covered in tears._

_“Shhh,” Regina soothed the girl and moved closer to the crib._

_“GET OUT!” the woman screamed at the man and Emma’s whole body shook with tears when she heard the yelling get louder and louder._

_“Hey,” Regina whispered to the girl and moved to pick her up even though she knew her hands would come back empty. She was surprised when she felt the soft and warm body of the girl against her palm. She felt a wave of magic the second their skins touched each other; the baby eyes were clouded with purple smoke-Regina’s magic. It made no sense, this world doesn’t have magic in it._

_The baby on her side immediately calmed when the brunette hugged her close, as she let her wet face rest against her shoulder. “It’s going to be ok Emma,” she repeated the boy’s promise from that night and Emma ragged breath started to calm down._

_'Is it going to be ok?' she asked herself. She clearly was connected with the girl, and somehow her magic was connected to the girl too. It’s like her magic marked the baby in some way-the way her eyes glowed with it; she could even smell apples on the baby’s short blonde hair._

_“Bang!” A gunshot sounded from outside the bedroom and cut Regina’s line of thought off. Regina ran to hide with the baby inside a small closet; she tried to calm the baby’s cries and prayed for whoever was willing to listen that Emma would be alright._

_She didn’t know how it happened (she wasn’t sure which one of them did it) but as the closet door burst open, revealing a very drunk, angry man with a gun. A gust of magic surrounded both of them and they were suddenly at a police station._

_Two cops who came outside for a break found them, the woman crouched down to pick Emma up; she completely ignored Regina’s orders to give the baby back to_

_her._

_“Who does this?” the lady officer asked the bearded man. He shrugged in response before he called for someone over his walkie. “Who leaves their baby outside like this, it’s freezing,” she continued. Regina tried to take Emma back, only to realize that whatever ability she had to touch the girl before was gone and she was back to being so utterly useless._

_._

_._

_._

Regina life was always complicated. She lived a double life before-with Daniel and her mother, with Rumple and the king. But she always, always knew it was temporary: one life always meant to rise above, to be her happily ever after.

 

But it wasn’t like that for this, she had two completely separate lives: she had her happy ending life and the dream world; which started to feel less and less like a dream.

 

Emma was almost one year old. Ever since that accident Regina hasn’t been able to touch her again and no other magical activity occurred. Whatever happened that night was a one-time thing.

 

Emma was living with the same foster family since that night-it seemed to be a good one. The mother was at home with her while the father only came back late at night.

 

The mother called her a Swan (a nickname the brunette couldn’t possibly understand) the toddler was anything but graceful as a swan-she was a complete klutz. A thing Regina couldn’t help but smile at whenever she thought of the little girl.

 

Emma seemed to wait up for her every night, whenever the brunette showed up at her room Emma’s green orbs were wide open. She smiled at her and mumbled, “Gigi, gigi.” The brunette just smiled back and talked with the toddler; she would tell the baby stories about a land far, far away.

 

.

 

.

 

.

When she heard one night that Nicole planned on adopting Emma she couldn’t help but feel a sharp pain in her stomach. She didn’t know why it hurt so much. Emma deserved to be loved, and she clearly couldn’t give that to her. She wasn’t sure this whole place wasn’t just a side effect from the curse; she wasn’t even able to touch the baby girl, how could she give her a life, any kind of life?

 

She avoided the door for a while, only getting in very late at night to make sure Emma was okay. She sat beside the crib on the floor as she looked at the rise and fall of the baby’s belly. She let go of the dream she let herself get too attached to.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Three months later when she got into the room she found Emma in a house full of kids. She didn’t understand where the hell Nicole was. Emma was screaming her lungs out-clearly starving. Some stupid kids were rocking her hideous stroller. Which she realized wasn’t Emma’s stroller. Emma’s stroller was pink and new, it was clean and smelled like Emma’s vanilla scent. This stroller was old and dusty; it seemed like it was once blue, but now it was brownish and disgusting. Emma only screamed louder with every rock and Regina quickly moved toward her. The moment Emma’s green orbs met with her tender chocolate ones she calmed. The baby reached her hands to her, as she begged to be lifted up to her protector and Regina’s heart broke when she realized how useless she was to that innocent beautiful girl.

She started humming a familiar tune, she couldn’t exactly remember when she heard it before, but Emma’s lips twitched up at the sound and suddenly the baby had graced her with a full grin. She could see the three new teeth in her mouth and Regina couldn’t help but smile at her too.

 

“Emma,” an old lady called. She held a bottle with formula in it and she came to lift the baby out of the stroller.

She saw Emma’s smiling face and sighed. “Such a beautiful baby you are,” she whispered as she cradled her. “Such a shame you don’t have a home.”

 

Regina’s body went cold. _How could this happen? Has Emma been abandoned again? didn’t Nicole adopt her?_

 

She spent the next day searching for any kind of information she could find on the blonde baby. She found that Emma was indeed real-she was living in a group home in Boston. She was indeed adopted by Nicole but then was sent back due to unexpected circumstances. She found nothing about Emma’s birth parents; all the internet could tell her was what she already knew-Emma was found on the side of the road with a little boy, no blood connection between them. _So how did the boy know Emma?_

 

She decided it didn’t matter; she already made a decision. She needed to adopt that girl; she wanted Emma here with her, she didn’t care how she was connected to the curse right now. But how could she adopt Emma if she couldn’t leave town?

 

It seemed like a very cruel joke; it seemed like her happy ending was just outside of reach now, just outside the town line.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

“I need your help,” she said as she walked inside Gold’s shop.

 

“Madam Mayor,” he greeted her and Regina sneered at him in response. He can pretend all he wanted, she knew he remembered.

 

“I want to adopt a baby.”

 

“How can I help you with that, dearie?” he asked with a fake surprised look and it sent shivers all through the brunette’s body. If there was one person Regina knew very well it was Rumple. And right now it scared her beyond everything that he knew about Emma.

 

“I know you can manage that,” she grit her teeth and clenched her fist, forcing herself to calm down. “I want you to get me Emma.”

 

“Sorry dearie,” he smiled at her. “That is the one thing no one can do.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Every magic comes with a price.”

 

“But-”

 

“Emma is paying your price, dearie,” for a moment she could've sworn she saw Rumple and not Gold. She could've sworn she saw his skin glitter and his hair curl, she could have sworn she heard him giggle maniacally at her.

 

_Emma was paying her price, what the hell does that mean?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr, I’m godandmonsters1996 :)


	2. Chapter 2

 

 _‘Emma is paying your price’_  the words kept swirling in her head over and over and over again. It was physically painful for her to look at Emma’s face. Whenever she showed up Emma small body jump with excitement as she held onto the wooden grates of her crib, as she lifted her small body up and giggled at the brunette.

 

And with every laugh, smile and giggle that lighten her dark heart there were dots of pain that spread through her body and burned her with guilt.

Gold didn’t explain what kind of a price Emma was to pay. No matter how hard Regina threatened him, she even went all the way to beg him to elaborate and tell her what he knew. Who exactly is Emma and how is she connected to her curse.

The imp just smirked at her and told her to wait, that she will find out eventually. But somehow Regina thought she would not want to find that out.

 

And didn’t she already pay the price for her curse, wasn’t her father's heart enough?

 

All of these questions kept running through her head and wouldn’t allow the dark beauty to sleep. It seemed that even the small comfort of seeing those green eyes won’t happen today.

 

She went downstairs and poured herself a glass of wine letting the harsh liquid burn down her throat and shut off her brain.

She opened her worn out dairy and started to write, letting the words wash out of her in waves of black ink. With each word that graced the white paper she felt her head get clearer and clearer until all the mess was laid down in front of her in lines of messy words and long unclear sentences.

She kept writing until her wrist ached so bad it could no longer move and the pencil fell from her hand with a thud. 

 

She finished her glass of wine and noticed it was already 3:40 AM, even if she would fall asleep now Emma would be fast asleep too. Hopefully the baby would have a better night then she would. 

 

She rested her head on the cushion behind her and let her mind wander into nothingness, She imagined Daniel's smile and sweet dimples, she tried to memorize his features in her head. 

She missed dreaming about him-about their memories. It was the few good memories in her life, and as much as she loved seeing Emma she missed Daniel too.

 

She forced her mind to send her yet another memory: she and Daniel were having a picnic, she could almost feel his lips on hers and then Snow’s horse was running out of control and she saved her. She was married to the king and he came into her chambers and laid atop her.  She was learning magic with Rumple and she crushed his new student’s heart. She was bent over Snow and growled, “this is  _my_  happy ending.” And then nothing but darkness. Until she heard a baby’s cries and she kept walking inside this black hole. She kept walking and walking as the baby’s cries grew louder and louder until she finally saw her. Emma was laying on the ground with the blue fairy bending over her. Her hand on Emma’s forehead as waves of white magic were sent into her small fragile body, and Emma cried at the top of her lungs. 

 

“Stop!” she heard herself yell but the stupid bug didn’t even acknowledge her. “Stop this!” She ran toward the pair but the moment she got close enough to strangle the fairy they both disappeared into dust and Regina woke up soaking in a cold sweat.

 

 

 

She never thought about that night again. She knew she should, she knew that her dream meant something. But Rumple’s words still played in her head, and Emma’s smile was still imprinted in her mind. She didn’t want to risk it, she didn’t want to dive into the meaning behind all of this and end up losing her. Losing Emma at this point was unbearable.

 

Emma was the only thing that kept her sane, the only comfort she had left inside her cursed town. She never thought about the consequences of her curse, from being locked inside her castle she ended up being locked inside her town as she relived the same day over and over and over again.

 

.

 

.

 

.

_“Ball,” Emma pointed at the ball that fell from her be. She was two years old now and in her third foster home.She was sharing her room with two other kids that were twins named Sarah and Jack. They were one years old and fast asleep now._

 

_“This ball?” Regina asked with a smile as she pointed at the small red ball._

 

_“Yes!” the toddler yelled with a smile and squealed with delight when Regina picked the ball up from the floor and threw it gently to her._

 

_“Quiet!” a lady's voice came from outside the door and Regina rolled her eyes before she lowered herself on the floor beside Emma._

 

_“How are you, princess?” Regina asked. But Emma was too busy with her ball to answer. She kept rolling it and studying it with her big curious eyes and Regina couldn’t help but smile at the small bundle of joy._

 

_She wanted to reach out and tickle Emma’s belly, she wanted to brush those blonde curls from Emma’s forehead. She wanted so many things and she hated whoever or whatever forbade her from touching the baby._

 

_“Emma,” Regina asked again and the toddler finally graced her with a confused looked. She squeezed her eyes in concentration before she pointed at herself and said “Emma.” Regina laughed and nodded._

 

_“Gina,” Emma said and pointed at her. Regina nodded again with a smile._

 

_“Ball,” Emma squealed as Regina confirmed her word with a smile._

 

_“Play!” she said as she tossed the ball at the unprepared brunette and laughed when the ball hit Regina right in her forehead._

 

 _It always annoyed her that she could hold objects yet she couldn’t touch people._  

_She quickly recovered and moved to pick up the ball. She rolled it on the bed until it reached Emma’s waiting hands._

 

_The blonde’s unsteady hands held the ball before she slid it toward the brunette. She clapped her hands with excitement when Regina caught it._

_._

 

_._

 

_._

 

_“Who are you?” Emma asked her one night. The girl was around three years old now and Regina was caught by surprise with her question. She came in every night and Emma always welcomed her with a big smile and cries of her name._

 

_“Regina,” the dark beauty answered and Emma squeezed her eyes at her. “Are you the monster under my bed? Is that where you go in the mornings?” the curious toddler asked and Regina laughed at her assumptions._

 

_“Do I look like a monster to you?” she crossed her arms and grinned at the blushing girl._

 

_“No,” she whispered. “You look like an angel.”_

 

_Regina was the one who blushed now as she sat on the bed beside the young girl. “I’m no angel, princess,” she said with a hunted voice. “ I can promise you that.”_

 

_“Then what are you?” the stubborn girl did not give up. “Why am I the only one who sees you? Why can’t you touch me?”_

 

_“I’m-” Regina was lost for words. How do you explain ‘I’m the evil queen who cursed an entire population and somehow ended up seeing you every night since then.. Oh and by the way it seems like you are the one who pays the price of said curse.’ “Your imaginary friend,” she blurted out suddenly and Emma furrowed her brows in deep thought._

 

 _“Tommy’s imaginary friend can fly,” she said suddenly. “Can you fly?” she asked with a hopeful gaze and Regina hated to break her heart._  

_“I can’t fly but once I could have thrown fireballs from my hands,” she said instead and Emma’s green orbs went wide with excitement._

_“Didn’t it burn you?” she asked worriedly while looking at her own palms, checking them for any signs of fire._

 

_“No, it was magic,” she explained and Emma beamed at her._

 

_“What else could you do?”_

 

_“Let’s see.” Regina put her finger on her chin, as she pretended to be in deep thought before she finally spoke “I could think of any place I wanted to be at and poof,” she clicked her fingers together. “I was there.”_

 

_“That is so cool!” Emma smiled before she became quiet again. “I wish I had that power.”_

 

_“Where would you go?” Regina asked her gently and Emma smiled shyly at her before she whispered, “Home.”_

 

 

_._

 

_._

 

_._

_“And then I sneaked back into the kitchen climbed up the chair and took three chocolate chips cookies,” Emma said proudly and smiled as she took another bite from her sweet stolen goods._

 

_“And Mrs. Cullen didn’t notice the missing cookies?” she asked._

 

_“No, when she came home she was funny and went straight to bed,” Emma answered as she took another bite._

 

_“What do you mean funny?” Regina asked concerned, she already sensed something was shady about this couple, she was used to seeing Emma’s hair all messed up and tangled but now it was worse. The once shiny locks were all tangled into harsh knots and in order to hide it the woman just tied Emma’s hair into a messy bun._

 

_“She walked weird and giggled. She even called me sweetheart, she never called me that,” Emma clarified with a three and half years old innocence._

_And yet Emma was so grown up, she made her own sandwiches for school every morning, took baths on her own, even though she clearly didn’t brush her hair, Regina noticed with a sigh._

 

 

_Regina's heart ached when she realized this unfair reality, “So she is asleep now?” she asked gently and Emma nodded._

 

_“Then let’s brush your hair” Regina smiled and Emma sighed with annoyance but got up nonetheless._

 

_“But Gina you are not real, you can’t touch me!” Emma cried when she realized the situation before them. She sat on the bed and carefully undid her bun._

 

_“You are right princess, but I can touch a brush,” she smiled at the blonde and took the brush from the nightstand._

 

_The blonde smiled when she saw the brunette holding the brush but as soon as Regina took a step closer to her, the toddler slid under the bed._

 

_“Emma?” Regina asked, surprised with the blonde reaction._

 

_“No!” Emma cried from beneath the bed. “It will hurt.”_

 

_“I promise to be careful princess,” she tried but the blonde did not move. “Emma, have I told you that I used to have very long hair?”_

 

_“No,” the always curious blonde answered and Regina could heard her body as it slid closer to her._

 

_“When I was younger I had  very long hair,” Regina proudly stated. “But I hated to brush it.”_

 

_‘’You did?”_

 

_“Yes, so you know what my nanny did whenever she brushed my hair?”_

 

_“What?”_

 

_“She told me a story and I didn’t even notice she brushed it. In fact, in time I started to love it when she brushed my hair.”_

 

_“No, you didn’t” Emma’s head was poking from under the bed now. “You just liked the stories,” she pouted and Regina laughed. “You’re right.”_

 

_“So, maybe,” Emma’s eyes shone mischievously at her. “Will you tell me a story without brushing my hair?”_

 

_“Not going to happen,” Regina smirked and Emma stayed under the bed her finger rested on her chin like she was considering her options. “I promise,” Regina looked at her with all the tenderness she could muster up, “I will be gentle.”_

 

_“Ok,” Emma said and slid from beneath the bed. “But tell me about magic.”_

 

_“No problem, my little princess.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr, I’m godandmonsters1996 :)


	3. Chapter 3

 

Boredom, that is a curse, maybe the worst curse ever. 

Regina didn’t understand how she didn’t think about that... Didn’t think about how bored she would be. Living the same day over and over again, being stuck in a town only she knew the truth about. Then, one day, someone came inside.

 

Someone came into her town, her cursed town, the town no one was supposed to be able to come to.

 

There was only one explanation, the curse was getting weaker. But how? Why? She didn’t know.

 

The man with the child made her world collapse. Brought back her selfish desire to be loved. The boy reminded her of the little girl she fell in love with. She longed to hug and touch, to play and love.

 

But the boy didn’t love her, not really, he didn’t want her as a mother. He didn’t need her like she did, like the blonde girl who attacked her dreams and conquered every corner of her heart.

 

And for three days, three long days, Regina was reminded of how cruel the universe could be: her drinking milkshake and cooking meals to a child she didn’t really want, a child she used as a replacement to what she longed for. And she wasn’t sure what was worse-her using him for her selfish reasons or him rejecting her without seeing her real intentions.

 

For three days she walked into the white door and felt guilty, felt like she betrayed the five year old girl.

 

Emma was so strong and so beautiful and yet, so broken.

.

 

.

 

.

_“You are keeping something from me,” the five year old child stated, her brows furrowed and her features tensed and angry._

 

_“I’m keeping a lot of things from you,” Regina answered without breaking eye contact with the angry green orbs._

 

_“This is something else,” the girl said, getting closer to her until their noses almost clashed. Her eyes roamed over the dark beauty’s face. “You feel guilty about this, maybe even shame,” she declared before she moved back to her spot beside the bed. She tucked a worn out teddy bear safely in her arms._

 

_“I-“ Regina stuttered. “I do not,” she tried to reassure the five year old, but Emma was not convinced. “I can tell when people are lying,” the blonde explained._

 

_“I will never lie to you,” Regina promised, and she won’t, holding information is not lying she reassured herself._

 

_“What do you feel guilty about?”  the too curious for her own good five year old asked, her eyes wide with wonder and her lips pursed in concentration. Green orbs searched for answers in chocolate ones and Regina could barely hold her tears of shame at bay._

 

_“Do you want to get adopted?” she asked. She had no idea where these words came from, but the moment she saw the green eyes before her get clouded with fear and hunted by god knows what she regretted them. Cursed her stupid mouth for letting them slip out._

 

_“Sometimes,” Emma answered and it was Regina’s turn to purse her lips at her, she tried to gather information from young features and a long, heavy silence. “I don’t think it’s meant for me,” she whispered and a black heart clenched._

 

_“Sometimes we can make our own destiny,” Regina tried to reassure her. “We just need to remember how to fly on our own.”_

 

_“Yea,” Emma shrugged and held on tighter to her teddy bear. “But sometimes I don’t want to fly alone.”_

 

_“Well,” Regina smiled at her. “That’s what I’m here for,”_

 

_._

 

 

_._

 

 

_._

 

 

As the days passed by and Emma grew up more and more things started to get more difficult for both of them.

 

For once, Regina went crazy in Storybrooke. She depended on her sleep more and more and got too involved with the girl she could never really be with. Her desire to be a part of Emma’s life were so wrong on so many levels; they destroyed her little by little and drove her into craziness, in some ways Emma was her curse and her cure.

 

For Emma it was a different thing entirely. She was marked as the weird girl, the one who still talked with her imaginary friend when she was seven years old. The one who questioned her sanity more and more every day, with every glance, every whisper of a foster brother, foster parent, a teacher.

 

She secluded herself and drown in her own mind; followed into a secret door in her mind and let herself be whoever she wanted to be there-a child, a princess, a witch.

She let herself fly and fall inside that secret door. She dreamed to be anything but Emma the orphan.

 

And with every night that passed, both girls became more and more attached. More and more dependent on one another, so much that just the knowledge of another day that ended and another night that came brought them both peace and serenity.

 

.

 

.

 

.

_“Where are when you are not here?” the seven-year-old asked the dark woman and Regina should have known that this question would come sooner rather than later; as the blonde grew up her curiosity grew with her._

 

_“Here and there,” Regina shrugged and Emma squeezed her eyes at her. “I like being here the most,” the brunette added and the blonde flashed a beaming smile at her._

 

_“I’m not sure if you are real or not,” the blonde whispered. “You can’t be real,” she quickly added and shook her head as if to remind herself of what was proper to say out loud and what was not. She was forced to go to a therapist recently. Someone who would put a stamp on what everyone already knew, Emma was different._

 

_“Emma,” Regina whispered and the small voice stopped the blonde from drowning in her mind again. Unless, it was in her mind, to begin with. “I’m real for you,” Regina whispered and smiled shyly at her._

 

_“What does that even mean?” the blonde mumbled to her and locked her green orbs with the chocolate brown ones, as she searched for answers. “What does it mean?” she whispered again when the brunette refused to answer._

 

_“Does it really matter?” The dark woman asked and Emma thought about it for a second, she thought about the consequences of each answer. If Regina was real it will be too much, it will raise so many new questions, so many new complications. If Regina was not real it will mean Emma was really going crazy because this goes way beyond an imaginary friend. This is her life, Regina was her by now._

 

_“No,” the young girl whispered, “It does not.”_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter I know, but this story is so hard for me to write and I want to do right by it and not rush it.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr, I’m godandmonsters1996 :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want to thank anyone who still follows this story. I know I haven't updated in a while but my mind didn't let me write much, I never been ashamed of my struggle with depression and anxiety and recently my struggle has gotten way worse due to some personal matters and I wasn't able to write or continue any of my stories, but I will try and I will write because in the end that's what I love to do and I won't let anything take it away from me.
> 
> English is not my native language and I'm doing my best, I don't have a beta and I don't really want one either, with the rate I'm writing it will take years to finish this fic with a beta.
> 
> Again I want to say thank you to anyone who still sticks with this fic. you're the best.

 

_“Emma,” Regina said softly as she lowered herself down onto her knees so she could look into the emerald orbs. “Please, tell me what happened?” She couldn’t stop staring at the angry purple color that decorated the blonde’s cheek. She could see the deep cut that was hidden behind golden locks near her eye when the blonde moved._

 

_“It doesn't matter,” the child said. She rested her unharmed cheek in her palm that gave Regina a better look at her injury. “It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore.”_

 

_But the words didn’t calm Regina in the slightest; the thought that it did hurt made her skin crawl. She shook with anger and disgust. ‘She is paying your price,’ Rumple's voice sang inside her mind; over and over and over like a broken record._

 

_“Is it your foster parents?” She asked begging for it to not be the case. She did her research about the system and she was horrified at the amount of pain this kind of life can hold within them. She promised herself that if Emma would ever endure any abuse she would tare Rumple apart until she got the girl to safety._

 

_“No,” Emma shook her head and Regina released a breath she didn’t notice she held. “It’s you!” the girl stomped her foot on the floor._

 

_“Me?” Regina pointed at herself in shock, her lips quivered as the pain in her chest grew with each glance at harmed, swollen flesh. “Me?” She asked again but Emma’s look already told her the answer._

 

_“They make fun of me,” Emma explained as she claimed her seat on the bed again. “They always make fun of me,” she exhaled sharply before she continued. “But now they also call me crazy and it was too much,” her lower lip shook as she fought the wave of tears that threatened to escape. She knew that if she will cry, if she broke down, Regina would break down with her and neither of them would be able to do anything. Regina would not hold her, she would not move her hair from her tearful face nor would she slip her fingers through golden locks. No, Regina would try to comfort her with words, but sometimes (like now) words didn’t mean a thing._

 

_“How,” Regina open her mouth to speak, she wanted to ask how they’d found out? But she realized it didn’t really matter, not when the result was right in front of her in the shape of a bruised cheek and a broken seven year old. No, nothing mattered but Emma at the moment._

 

_“Do you want me to go?” She wasn’t sure she was capable of doing so, not now, maybe not ever. But if Emma asked her to, if the blonde told her to, she would force herself to do just that. She owed her that much._

 

_Luckily, Emma shook her head and told her to sit beside her. The blonde laid down on the bed, her head rested as close as possible to Regina’s thigh. “ Tell me a story,” she asked. And Regina did._

 

_._

 

 

_._

 

 

_._

 

When Regina woke up that morning she cried, for the first time in years.

 

‘She is paying your price’ the voice of the imp ringed in her head. For the first time she didn’t fight it, she let it wash over her as she drowned in her own tears.

 

She never thought that the person who would make her feel anything in years would be a child. She never thought the person who would make her cry for the first time in years would be the same child.

 

But one thing she never even dreamed of was that the first time she would cry in years would be for someone else. 

 

That same child.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

_“They want to send me away,” Emma whispered in the dark room. “They say the money doesn’t worth the trouble,” she tried so hard to make it sound like she didn’t care. She didn’t love those people, she barely tolerated them. But saying she wasn’t even worth it, as they saw her for nothing but labels: orphan, troublemaker, crazy, money; it was all too much for a seven year old child to bear._

 

_“You’re worth so much more than money, Emma,” the brunette whispered back. She rose from her seat on the floor and made her way closer to the blonde on the bed. “You are worth everything,” she whispered as she locked their gazes and Emma couldn’t help but smile slightly at those words. The words she longed to hear from someone, someone who was real, someone who could actually save her._

 

_“I wish you were real,” she whispered. And even though deep down she still played with the thought that she actually was. Even though deep down she still played their conversations in her head, still remembered how Regina never confirmed she wasn’t real. She still forced herself to remember that Regina wasn’t, still convinced herself that she couldn’t possibly be real._

 

_‘Sometimes, when we wish for something so deeply, our mind can trick us, it may help us to deal with reality by escaping it,’ her therapist said and Emma loved her mind for giving her the brunette._

 

_“Me too,” Regina whispered back and gestured for Emma to lay on her back as she sat at the end of the bed and told her about a land far, far away._

_._

 

 

_._

 

 

_._

 

_“How come you can touch objects but not people?” Emma asked her one day. She was with another foster family, miles away from the last one. In some way it was better, no one knew about her special friend here. Except for her foster parents, who seemed like good enough people._ _Not that anyone can be good enough in Regina’s eyes._

 

_“It’s funny that you ask that,” Regina said as she played with a yo-yo; she smiled as it swirled before it went into her palm. “I couldn’t at first,” she stated, “I have no idea how I can do that now.”_

 

_“Maybe my hallucinations are getting worse,” Emma mumbled. She strongly believed Regina was not real now; every doctor she met told her so. Even if Regina wasn’t real she was still the only constant thing in her life and Emma was not ready to lose it. So she threw the medications away and let herself be crazy; it was so much better than being an orphan anyway._

 

_“You’re not hallucinating Emma,” Regina whispered as her chocolate orbs searched emerald ones. “I’m just an imaginary friend, a lot of children has one.”_

 

_“Yea,” Emma sighed, she didn’t have enough energy to argue about how Regina was way more than that. “I wish you could touch people too.” She didn’t say I wish you could touch me, I wish you could hold me and hug me and comfort me. She didn’t want to be seen as weak and Regina could read between the lines anyway. She knew her well enough to read her mind by now._

 

_And Regina did, she came as close to the bed as she could and sat on the floor beside it. “I wish that too,” she said and gave Emma the yo-yo, which was still quite warm from her hold. Emma took the comfort she was offered and closed her eyes. She listened to Regina’s voice as she told her another story and held onto the warmth of the toy._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr I'm godandmonsters1996 , sometimes I post there fics I don't post here (:
> 
> Comments make my day (:


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

_The first thing she noticed was the air; the cold wind felt like needles against her bare skin and she shivered, her hands rubbed up and down her arms, as she tried to shield herself._

 

_The second thing she noticed was the shining stars, they looked bigger somehow and their light was so bright against the night sky, as if they tried to promise her it will get better. A light in the dark. She rolled her eyes at the cliche._

 

_It was only then when she heard the sob, that was when she realized she was outside. She never landed outside... Well except for that first night._

 

_“Emma?” she whispered, her eyes roamed and searched for the blonde girl._

 

_“Shhh...” she heard the small voice of the blonde. She took a few more steps until she noticed them; Emma with a little blond boy in her arms. The blonde leaned against the cold wall. They were in the backyard of Emma’s foster parents, at midnight._

 

_“Why are you here?” she asked and the little huffs from the boy told her something was clearly wrong. He was asleep; even in his dreams he didn’t seem to escape reality. His fists were clasped and every once in a while, between his shallow breaths, a whimper escaped._

 

_“His social worker is inside,” Emma explained, her slender fingers slid between his short blond tresses and the gesture seemed to soothe him a little. “We are moving.”_

 

_“Why?” Regina took a seat on the cold ground beside her. This family was good, the mother cared for them and made them breakfast, the father took them on camping trips on the weekends. Emma was fine here, not happy, but fine._

 

_“Chris had a meeting with his social worker, he said that he loved it here, but-” the nine-year-old sighed heavily and it pained the dark beauty to witness it, witness the child breathing with a kind of a pain that was way beyond her years. “Sarah was falling into old habits, she was doing cocaine again. Chris heard her and Ms. Wayne fighting over it. He mentioned it to his social worker and Ms. Wayne took the blame so Sarah won’t end up in juvy again,”_

 

_“They found a foster family for him,” she turned to look into the brunette’s eyes when she said it. Regina noticed the bright green eyes were glistering, “But they didn’t find a foster family for me.”_

 

_“What’s going to happen to you?” the voice came out wet and raspy and Regina cleared her throat as she forced herself to be the strong one._

 

_“I’m being sent into a group home,” the blonde was so detached from the situation, so devoid of any emotion, that the words came out as a fact, as a statement, not as the roller coaster of torment they actually meant._

 

_“Oh.”_

 

_“The kids there, they never get adopted.” She stroked a lock of hair from the boy’s face before she continued; “he thinks it's his fault, but it’s not.” she clarified quickly.“It’s my fate I guess.”_

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

 

“It’s my fate I guess...” The words kept playing in Regina’s head as she woke up. Her mind sent her pictures of forest green eyes and she couldn’t concentrate on anything. She tried filing paperwork but the scratchy sound of pen against paper that used to soothe her only seemed to grate on her nerves. She pushed the files away with a heavy sigh.

 

“Emma is paying your price,” Rumple’s voice sang to her and Regina could feel her heart beating faster and faster as she slowly but surely sank into a panic attack. She grabbed a glass of an apple cider and downed it before she decided she needed something stronger.

 

It was an hour later when she found herself staring at her own reflection in the shards of the broken mirror. The whole room was a mess- papers spread all over the floor as well as shards of glass and puddles of wine. It was when she looked into the brown eyes of the woman she could barely recognize anymore that she realized she has dug herself a hole and had no clue how to get out.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

_“Maybe,” Emma scrunched her nose at the thought. “I mean, it would be nice to have someone by your side no matter what; someone who is just stuck with you for better or worse.”_

 

_“I’m offended,” Regina faked a frown and Emma just giggled before she threw a pillow at her. “You know what I mean, someone who is-“_

 

_“Real,” the brunette completed the sentence for her. “I wanted a brother too when I was young,” she whispered; her tone holding a dark edge to it as if she tried to remember and forget at the same time._

 

_“And?” the curious blonde decided for her and Regina forced her memory to come back. “It just wasn’t meant to be,” she said at last. She wasn’t going to tell Emma about the horrors of her own land when she had enough horrors in her own one._

 

_“Well, living in this group home I do get enough siblings for a lifetime,” she breathed as she looked around her. Just in her room alone there were five kids in bunk beds, all squashed like sardines in the small room._

 

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

_“Where are you going?” Regina asked when she found herself in a bus station. Emma sat there with a small backpack, her feet on the seat and her head resting on her knees._

 

_“Away,” she mumbled under her breath. Her blonde hair covered her face and Regina couldn’t see her wet cheeks nor her red eyes._

 

_“Emma.” The older woman sighed before she kneeled down in front of her, she faced the broken nine-year-old. “What's wrong?” She already knew the blonde couldn’t pinpoint what it was that was wrong, it was just that nothing seemed really right. “Emma,” she whispered again when the blonde didn’t respond._

 

_“I’m tired,” she finally spoke. “Sometimes in my dreams I see them,” she breathed. “I see them coming for me and taking me from this place, telling me we are going home.” She laughed and it all felt so very wrong, because Emma didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve feeling this way. She deserved to be loved, to be with a parent who would always melt at her puppy eyes, she deserved to be spoiled and tucked into bed with tons of kisses way after her bedtime because her mother gave in to her pout again. She deserved everything._

 

_“You know what I do in that dream?” she suddenly whispered and Regina shook her head a little. She came out of her haze before she looked into the green orbs she could drown in and asked, “What?”_

 

_“I go with them,” she spat the words like they were poison.And for Emma they were; they were the weakness she could never afford to have, not when she still has so many years to spend in this broken system. “In my dreams I forgive them.”_

 

_“Sometimes forgiveness is not weakness,” Regina held her gaze. “Sometimes holding on to your anger is the biggest weakness one can have.”_

 

_“Maybe,” Emma sighed, not really listening._

 

_“Why are you here?” Regina asked the inevitable question they both danced around._

 

_“I can’t stay there, I need to find a place that feels like home,”_

 

_“And where do you think you’ll find it?”_

 

_“I don’t know, I don’t know what home feels like,”_

 

_“Emma,” Regina whispered before she got up and sat beside Emma on the bench “you need to go back, home means being safe and it’s not safe here,”_

 

_“I know,” the nine years old replied “I just needed to feel it,”_

 

_“Feel what?”_

 

_“Being truly alone,”_

 

_“You are not alone,” Regina said firmly her eyes filled with tears “never Emma, never.”_

 

_._

 

.

 

.

 

Seeing Emma at her breaking point brought Regina into her own one, she knew it was time to get answers no matter how terrible they may be. Regina needed to know.

And she needed to know now.

 

She stormed into Gold’s store, not surprised to find him smirking at her.

 

“Madam Mayor, it’s been a while”

 

“I need answers,” she gritted at him

 

“I already told you dearie-“

 

“Belle,” it was her turn to smirk when she noticed his eyes suddenly got clouded as he fought the wave of emotions that rushed through him “you will give me information about Emma and ill tell you where your precious beauty is”

 

“She’s the savior,” he said to her, his eyes still hunted with memories “she’s Snow’s daughter”

 

And just like that Regina felt the world around her collapsing, the three words she never thought she will ever hear somehow held the ultimate power over her. She and Emma, they were meant to destroy each other. And somehow all Regina wanted to do was to create, create a better future for the blonde, create a better life for her, no matter how much fate was against it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank my beta Xxwillow13xx! Thank you for making this chapter readable (;


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